How to Help Your Husband Cope with a Miscarriage?
Share Your Thoughts with Each Other
The pain of dealing with a miscarriage sometimes can be too much even for the person who loves his wife a lot. Gifts can help motivate and uplift the husband’s spirit and help him support his spouse at the time when it’s most needed. Sharing the pain can help in dealing with it to some extent. So instead of bottling up the emotions, couples should be open with each other. Let each other know exactly how you feel. Don’t hold back on the feelings. It’s okay to cry and get angry if that’s what helps you heal. Find the support which you both so badly need, in each other.
Be Sympathetic and Give Motivational Gifts
A situation like this needs to be dealt with sensitively. Show your support for each other with thoughtful and motivational gifts. You need to be sympathetic towards each other at a time like this. After a tragedy people often retreat into their own shell and refuse to respond. This can affect a couple’s future relationship. Motivational gifts can help but only to a certain extent. Being there for each other is the best thing that you can do to help cope with a sad incident like a miscarriage. Don’t force your partner to just get over it. Respect their need for solitude, but be there if they need you.
Let Him Know You Care About Him
Losing a child can affect the mental health of a person. Depression and negative thoughts are the common after effects of a misfortune like this. Find support in your husband. Try to put your trust in him and return his affections. He is feeling sad and vulnerable too and you are the only one he can turn to at a time like this. He cares about you and you do too, so let him know that. Sometimes men tend to feel guilty at a time like this. Do not let that come between you and destroy your relationship. Love, trust and support each other.
Guidelines for Choosing Sympathy Gifts for Husband
It Should Rejuvenate His Mind and Soul
Finding a gift for your husband that would help him deal with his pain is not easy. Gifts that help rejuvenate his mind and soul, are the ones that may help. Try to help him find peace by giving him something spiritual. In fact you both can benefit from a gift like this. Posters with motivational quotes, art or maybe a beautiful plant that you can both look after and nurture together with help deal with the loss.
Motivational Books that Can Help Him Cope with the Loss
There are a lot of motivational books that are available in the market that can help in dealing with grief and loss. Motivational or Self-help books as they are popularly known as will help keep you busy and your mind occupied. It’s natural to have negative thoughts after one goes through the pain of miscarriage. These books will tell you exactly how to deal with them and what to do when you are overcome with feelings of depression.
You Cannot Go Wrong with an Old-Fashioned Sympathy Card
Writing down your feelings is cathartic and one of the best ways to heal. Give your husband a sympathy card. Write down everything you want to tell him inside. Don’t hold back, let him know exactly how you feel. It’s an emotional process so take your time with it. Let him know that you are there for him like he is for you. Life is full of surprises good or bad. But what matters is your ability to deal with each one as a team. Your words will help him heal too and prepare him to face this ordeal with you.
10 Thoughtful Gifts for Husband After Miscarriage
Picking out gifts after going through the pain of miscarriage is not the easiest thing to do; so we went ahead and made your job easier by doing it for you. Take a look at our comprehensive gift list and pick out the one which you think will best suit your needs.
Losing a life in a miscarriage doesn’t mean that you have to forget about its existence. The fetus which was a part of you may not have seen the light of day, but it will remain in your hearts forever. Get your husband a beautiful reminder of the life that you created together. A memorial key chain is a sensitive and thoughtful way of dealing with your loss.
This made to order handmade keychain with an angel wing from Etsy with the message "God has you in his Hands I have you in my Heart" is the perfect way to remember the little life that you have lost. The key chain is a made of metal alloy with the hand stamped message written in clear letters. Buy it for US$ 9.45 which is around ₹679. Buy it here.
Wooden Bereavement Plaque
A Bereavement Memory Plaque is another way to make your husband feel better. These plaques have motivational messages written on them which can help send across the message of condolence that he needs so much. Get this 8" Bereavement Memory Plaque with Verse from amazon.com. This product measuring 7.8 x 0.8 x 6.2 inches is made from stone resin and is etched with a beautiful message. This emotional message may bring tears to one’s eyes but can also provide motivation. It can be kept in a place like his desk or on the bookshelf. Looking at it will provide solace to his broken heart and guide him on his way to redemption. Buy it for US$17 which is around ₹1,220.
Books are the greatest gifts of all and can influence people greatly. Consider gifting books which deal with the particular issue or regarding loss in general. You could gift fiction or non-fiction self-help books depending on his preferences. Our pick is the bestselling book by Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns. One of it’s subject matters is how to deal with pregnancy loss.
If you are looking for an option in the non-fiction genre, then our choice would be Coming to Term: Uncovering the Truth About Miscarriage written by Jon Cohen, who is a science journalist with personal experience on the matter. This book has the most comprehensive and accurate information on miscarriage and also includes personal stories of pregnancy loss and success. Get them both on amazon.in for ₹399 and ₹1,297 respectively.
Packet of Flower Seeds
Gardening is known to be therapeutic. So gift your husband a packet of flower seeds. Looking after and caring for a new life form can help channel the grief. Buy the Morning Glory Flower seeds Mixed pack of 50 from amazon.in. Priced at ₹399, these mixed seeds will grow into beautiful pink and purple flowers with proper tending. In fact we would advise you to help your husband with the gardening. Growing something together will help both of you heal.
Personalised Leather Bracelet
Show your love and support for your grieving husband by gifting him a small token of your affection. A personalised leather bracelet is something that he can wear at all times. Get this Genuine Leather and Stainless Steel Men's Bracelets from etsy.com. Available in a selection of different colours, this bracelet can be customised with text both on the inside and the outside. The message can be of up to 50 character including spaces on each side. You can add more characters for an additional cost. Buy it for US$26 which is around ₹1,866.
A Journal to Pen His Thoughts
Turning your feelings into words is a creative release and also the best way to cope with grief. Buy your husband a journal to pen down his feelings. Get the AmazonBasics Classic Notebook, Plain. Black in colour and measuring 130 mm x 210 mm, with 240 pages, this journal looks unassuming enough making it perfect for penning down those innermost thoughts which no one else should have access to. It has an elastic closure which keeps it securely closed and expendable inner pocket for stashing loose items. Buy it for ₹299 from amazon.in.
Lavender Essential Oil
If your husband is having trouble relaxing and dealing with sleep issues then a home remedy would be to use lavender essential oil. You can put drops of it on the bedding and the pillows, mix it with his bath water or burn it in a diffuser. It has been known to be a powerful sleeping aid and helps calm the nerves. Buy the Organix Mantra Lavender Essential Oil. It is steam distilled natural, pure and organic and comes in a 15 ml bottle. Buy it for ₹275 from amazon.in.
A Jar of Cookies
Nothing lifts the mood better than sweet treats. Cookies will provide you with that sugar rush that you need to battle your depression. Get your husband some cookies to help him recover from his sad state. The cookie fusion gift jar from myflowertree.com contains the two old favorites - oatmeal and choco-chip. Each cookie jar comes tied with a red bow for that special touch. Sharing these sweet treats with your husband will not only help you get over the grief but also bond with each other again. Buy these little jars of sweetness for ₹275.
According to the principle of Feng Shui, wind chimes are supposed to balance the ‘Chi’ or energy in a home. Also their soft tinkling sound is pleasing to the ears. Gift your husband a wind chime and hang it someplace indoors where there is air movement. Wind chimes are supposed to harness the energy of the wind and bring about peace and harmony in the household. Buy the Paradigm Pictures Colorful Wind Chimes for Home Positive Energy. This silver chime with 7 pipes has a soothing tinkling sound. You can purchase it for ₹599 from amazon.in.
A Potted Plant
A great alternative to the flower seeds that we mentioned earlier is a potted plant. Nowadays we live in tiny apartments with hardly any room for gardening. But a small indoor plant hardly needs any room or heavy gardening tools. Get him a Peace Lily, a popular indoor houseplant with beautiful white flowers. You can buy the plant for ₹299 from nurserylive.com.
How Can Couples Overcome their Grief of Baby Loss?
The ache of going through a miscarriage is unimaginable. A woman who has lost her unborn child goes through pain, both physical and mental. At this time the only person who can share her loss is the husband. Overcoming the pain is possible with proper support and time.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
The effects of a miscarriage depend on how a couple handles it. It can either tear you apart or bring you closer together. Some of the common problems which couples face after going through a miscarriage is the inability to connecting sexually, resulting in an increasing communication gap. This results in depression, and anger. Doctors and trained medical professionals can help with this. It’s always advisable to talk about the issues instead of avoiding them.
Ignore Negative Comments
Not all people are wired to deal with issues like these in a sensitive manner. It’s vital that you ignore the overly sympathetic ones who do more harm than good. Negative comments can come in various forms. People pretending to empathize, can often slip in snide remarks and hand out unnecessary advice. Cut these toxic people out of your life. Stick with your trusted group of family and friends, they are the ones that matter.
Keep Yourself Busy
The best way to get over grief of any kind is by keeping yourself busy. Join a class to learn a new art or volunteer at a non-profit organization. You could work with animals if that’s your calling or teach underprivileged kids. Joining a pottery or art class or learning a new language is another way of keeping yourself busy in a constructive way. Apart from that you could read, catch up on your sleep and maybe meditate or do yoga which benefits both physical and mental health.
Get in Touch with a Psychologist or Counselor
If nothing helps then we would suggest that you seek the help of a psychiatrist or a psychologist. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it and a medical or certified professional will know exactly how to provide it. Don’t internalize your grief. Be open and frank to your doctor or counselor. They will listen to your problem and provide valuable feedback and if need be even medication. Always remember that help is at hand, you just have to ask for it.
Give it time
It may feel like you will never again be able to wake up without feeling pain, or that hope is lost, but things do get better with time. If you've experienced loss before, you know this will also eventually lose it's edge. The grief may never go away but it will become easier to bear and you will learn to go on with your life. When you are able to, look back and see if you could have done things differently, learn from it, and look forward to what comes your way in the future.