Impacts Of Divorce On Children
Sadness And Irritability
Children going through the divorce part of their parents can easily get frustrated, irritable, angry, and have mood swings, understandably so. The young, especially face mood swings even when they are around the people they are familiar to, because they feel insecure or get stressed up due to the difficult process.
Moreover, the child may not feel happy no matter what you do. He will start to feel lonely even when in crowds and may eventually face bad depressions. Some kids can even go into withdrawal mood when they won't talk to anyone about anything and stay in their rooms all the time.
This can, however, also turn into something major like various disorders, delinquency, or even impulsive behavior that are not anything like the kids who belong to two-parent families. So, you need to make sure that you love your kids and prevent these things from happening for the well-being of your family as well as the people around you. You can do these by doing various things like the ones mentioned below.
Being one of the saddest things one could have to do, divorce can also result in emotional turmoil not for only the parents but also for the children. In fact, even more so for the children. They can be scared, confused, or even frustrated with the exhilarating process.
The youngest ones do not understand why this is happening and why they have to go through two homes. They may think that the parents will stop loving them as they did each other. The ones in school could blame themselves for all the sadness and turmoil and may think that this happened because of their behavior or mistakes. Teenagers could get angry and get apart from one parent; who they feel is at fault or they could even get apart from both parents and get addicted to drugs and alcohol.
However, each case is unique and there will be something different in each one of them. You can follow the following tips to make sure that there isn't any major problem caused.
Co-Parenting Tips for Parents and How to Raise a Child After a Divorce
Set Hurt And Anger Aside
The most difficult part of working together with your ex-husband is - keeping your feelings aside. However, this is the most important part as well, because, without this, you cannot co-parent, no matter what. Moreover, co-parenting is about the well-being, happiness, and stability of your child, not bursting your feelings out in front of your kids and ex.
For this reason, you need to learn to keep aside your feelings and cooperate with your partner. You may think about the effect your bad feelings will have on your kids to help you make this easier. Moreover, you can go to a therapist or a friend with good ears to get and of the negative thought and wants off of your chest.
Looking at an old photograph of your happy children can also help you through this process. Also, remember that even if you do burst, make sure that your kids are not near you because all that this will slowly do is make them bitter, resenting, and all negative forever. Lastly, do not ask your kids to send certain messages to the co-parent and do not talk badly about him to your kids because he is equally a parent to them as you are and their half genes are of his.
Cope With Loneliness
The time when your kids are not with you but your partner, can be really difficult and lonely. You need to cope with this loneliness by staying busy and carrying out various, lovable, and enjoyable activities, because, without these, you will fall apart quickly.
This is especially important during the early stages after divorce, because, slowly, you begin to learn to just let go off of all this without having to be with your friends and all. You may try and pursue new hobbies or collect new things, spend time exercising, getting rest, or going out with friends. Just do something to spend this time joyfully. Furthermore, it is fine to ask for help. You can introduce more friends to your family circle, this will only make you realize that you have people who still care about you.
Also, you should not bring back your kids from the ex's house just because you missed them, this will make you look broken in front of the ex and you kids will feel as if you don't want them to spend time with the co-parent who has an equal right to spend time with them as you do.
Keep Your Children's Needs In Mind And Give Them Space
To make sure that your children's academic performance, among other things, remains stable, you need to make sure that they are being given enough space. This means that you need to not only let them have some alone time to let out all their emotions but also spend some time with the other parent.
For example, you can let them go to a picnic together or spend a night at the co-parent's home, etc. Furthermore, you should not interfere during this time until and unless it is extremely important; you should not call the other parent too much to disturb or call the kids asking them to come back too much. If you do so, this will just make you look bad in front of the other kids by showing that you don't respect the other parent enough to let your kids with him for some time.
Moreover, you need to let your kids set their own routine and love them so that they have a sense of belonging. Without this, they will be lost in a storm in which there will be nothing but chaos. Also, some children, seeing their parents fall apart, start to feel as if it is their mistake, especially if they are really young. So, you need to tell them in the right way that it happened not because of them and that these things are part of life, etc.
Communicate With Your Co-Parent
This can be really difficult but it is really important in order to have a fruitful and easy as well as a purposeful partnership with the co-parent. Resolve all your issues with your ex as this will also show your kids that no matter how big the problem, it can always be resolved.
So, talk to your partner, even if you do not want to. You can talk about the future of your children or their current academic condition or any problems you are facing regarding them. These talks don't necessarily have to be one-on-one, instead, you can send texts or email him.
See your co-parent as a business partner with your business being the well-being of your kids and talk to him as your equal. Moreover, do not demand something or make statements in front of him, this can be interpreted as you being rude. Instead, have a soft tone and make requests, this will form a somewhat strong and fruitful partnership between you two.
A major part of this will be you willing to listen to his ideas or concerns regarding the kids and letting him know that you have understood their point fully, even if you do not approve of it. Do not restrain yourself, and talk about your feelings and theirs while staying calm, and keep the topic of the conversations limited to the needs and wants of your kids.
Explain The Process To Your Children
This is extremely important to make sure of the healthy living of your kids. So, you need to ensure that your children do not feel as if they are the reason for this, that they are being left out, or that you will leave them as you left the partner. These thoughts can emerge in their minds and you need to help expel them by loving them more and explaining the whole process to them.
Tell them how the whole divorce thing and the co-parenting process works. Keep them engaged and let them know how much time they will be spending will the other parent and that you both will always love them, no matter what, and that they are the first and the foremost priority of yours; their health, their happiness, and their future, among various other things.
Without this, they can not only feel sad but also lonely among many people and can slowly break apart and become something completely different than now. They can stop trusting anyone and stop loving you. Their belief in love may simply end and they may not be able to be in a relationship because of the fear of breaking up. So, let them know that this is all part of life and everyone has to go through these things to get to their destinations and to get a happy ending.
Make Transitions And Visitation Easier
Transitioning of your kids from one home to the other and from one parent to the other is a major part of the co-parenting. It is so, because, this is the part where your kids are most involved. So, it needs to go smoothly, without any burst of feelings or restraints.
Some things that you can do before your kids leave for the other home include you getting ready for the short change beforehand and spending as much time with your kids and making it as useful as possible. You can do this by being with them at all times like when they are playing, watching TV, or even packing for the next few days.
Also, you should always drop your kids off to the other parent's house and not pick up. This way, you will not have to risk getting bitter when talking to your co-parent at the door of his house when you go to pick up your kids.
When your children come back, do not talk bitterly about the other parent and start by sitting together, reading a book or watching TV and make them feel comfortable. Next, help them unpack and give them some space and alone time if they want before doing something special like making dinner together or playing a certain game. You can even try and set a proper routine for the time that they spend at your home.
Sometimes, kids can refuse to leave the co-parent's home. If this happens, do not feel betrayed or do not shout at your kids. Instead, talk to your partner and know why this happened and try to make it better next time. You may also let them stay longer at his home and even ask for an extended stay at your home next time.
Benefits Of Having Joint Custody Of Your Child
Children Are Less Stressed This Way and Their Academic Results Improve
This is the most important benefit of having joint custody of your kid because they are the only important thing in your life and their well being is your first and foremost priority. Divorce can have various negative impacts on the kids including mental, physical, and emotional difficulties, especially during the early stages of divorce.
These can, however, be reduced to an extent by co-parenting because, this way, the family dynamic stays more or less the same; the children spend lots of time with both the parents, they see you both talking to each other and can do most of the activities that they did before.
Moreover, various researches have shown that being with one parent makes a child less stable by increasing his depression levels. So, you should preferably have joint custody if possible, because, when the kids are more stable and less stressed, their mental and physical health improves. They become stable emotionally and their academic results improve tremendously as well.
Minimized Conflicts Over Your Child
When you have joint custody, you won't only not have to fight over the custody of the children, the costs of the children, and the child protection as well. When you have joint custody, you get used to communicating with each other and the issues related to the child's studying costs or academic results, etc become easier to be resolved and you don't have to stress over it or spend much time as well.
When you don't have to fight over the custody, you also have more time that can be spent with the child, making stronger bonds, giving them love and letting them know that you are always there for them. Therefore, this way, you can reduce your as well as their stress levels and not feel lonely. You will be more engaged with your children this way and will relieve some of the major psychological or emotional issues or your as well as your child's issues.
Lastly, this way you will be able to spare more time knowing your child and attending to his needs. Moreover, all the costs will be divided between you and your partner and you won't feel too burdened.
Give Your Children the Love and Care They Need with These Co-Parenting Tips in 2020
Things may not have worked well between you two and both of you have decided to move on. But, don't let your children be the victim of this war. Shower them with love, care and attention with these co-parenting tips.