Tips to Keep in Mind When Comforting Someone Through Their Loss
Sympathy Etiquette
When someone you care about or know is grieving for the loss of their loved one, it can be a tad bit difficult to know what to do or say to them as the mourner struggles with multiple emotions of pain, depression, guilt, anger and sorrow, often isolating them in their own grief. Despite your apprehensions of saying or doing something wrong or make matters worse for them during this difficult time, know that this is also the time when they need your support the most! This support will go a long way in helping them cope with the pain and begin to heal.
An essential part of helping someone through their grief is to be a good listener and to let them know you’re there when they need someone to talk to. Every person grieves differently and for a different length of time. Let them know you can be counted on for any practical support as well. Extend your help after the funeral. Given the social media frenzy these days, don’t be insensitive to their grief and tag them in pictures of the deceased online.
Be aware that there’s a time for everything, for instance, being positive is good, however pick your time well. On tough days like special occasions, don’t try making things lighter when the situation is quite the opposite. Sense the mood and help them through the moment. Keep reaching out to them regularly, be thoughtfully expressive and always remember to listen, for the loss is theirs and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, what matters is how you help them heal through the loss.
Sympathy Gifts Instead of Flowers
Irrespective of whether you attend the funeral or not, a gift of condolence will help them know you’re with them in thoughts at least. Small gifts like flowers, comfort food, sympathy cards are ideal for such occasions. A week or two is typically a blur for most grieving families when they go through visitors, decision making and more; it is best to wait a couple of weeks after the deceased’s passing before you send the gift or personally deliver it to the family. Even though, flowers are considered the most appropriate symbol of peace and sympathy for the bereaved, sometimes they also symbolise death when they wither down.
Choosing the Right Bereavement Gift
Gifting a bereaved family a condolence gift is a typical and appropriate way of expressing your thoughts and sympathy to them and basis the tradition or customs they follow, the more conventional forms of options include a sympathy note that expresses your heartfelt emotions, getting them some homemade cookies or a basket of comfort food items, personalised bird feeder, small memorial gifts or a memorial wreath. You’d explore the idea of sponsoring a tree or a shrub the family can plant in the memory of their loved one along with a memorial stone. There are times when as an extended family member or a friend, you may have pictures of their loved one, which you can use in a beautiful frame with an inspiring message or a photo album and gift it to them. You can also put together a basket or a gift set of items that help them take care of themselves with some positive messages of hope, love and light, soothing healing music, essential oils, scented candles and some relaxation or spa items.
A Selection of Thoughtful Bereavement Gift Ideas
Gifts that can be Purchased
Memorial Plaque
When someone we love becomes a memory, their memory becomes a treasure for us. Here’s a memorial plaque, called ‘Light your way’ by Pavilion Gift on ubuy.co.in which serves as a beautiful inscription to keep a deceased loved one’s memories alive by brightening their family’s hearts and home. Made in warm yet subtle earthy tones and complemented with a symbolic ‘forget me not’ and a heartfelt message that says, "Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather opening where our loved one shine down to let us know they are happy." A self-standing plaque measuring 10.2 x 2.5 x 11.4 cm in dimensions and weighing 159gm, this Memorial Plaque comes in an attractive gift box for your loved ones.
Hugs from Heaven Throw Blanket
Anyone who’s lost a loved one, knows the loss is heartbreaking and takes time to heal from. If you’re looking for a thoughtful gesture that implies your concern and sentiments of love abd care for a loved one who’s grieving a loss, a throw blanket will help invoke a sense of calm and comfort for its recipient. A cozy and comfortable blanket, it has been designed stylishly and is ultra-soft, made of velvet fabric. Measuring 50”x 60” this soft velvet mink blanket not only makes one want to cuddle up into but also fits with most winter décor. Hugs from heaven throw blanket from the 1i4 Group on amazon.com comes in a baby blue colour, printed with angel wings and says Hugs from Heaven.
Memory Angel Figurine
Made of premium quality poly resin with hand painted detailing, this Remembrance Angel has a message inscribed on it that says, "Angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hands of God." Wrapped in a beautiful gift box, the angel is created with birchwood accents, pewter detailing and designed with an inspiring and emotional message. The use of soft colours, the wings and different elements bring out the figurine’s simplicity and classic beauty that invoke feelings of love and joy for its recipient. Branded by the Pavilion Gift Company and available on desertcart.in for Rs.5,869, the Memory Angel Figurine measures 9” and is imported from the US in about a fortnight.
Memorial Garden Stone with Chimes
A unique and cherished for long kind of sympathy gift can be a Memorial Garden Stone that comes with Wind Chimes and can be used to honor the memory of a loved one. This Garden Statue Décor item is made of poly resin, is hand painted and includes an aluminum wind chime which creates soft sounds and also comes with a small solar panel that is activated with LED lights to glow in the dark. The orange plate on the memorial stone says, "Every time the wind blows, I think of you…"
It is a lovely, sentimental gift that touches your heart with its sight and sound, that will not only warm your loved ones’ hearts, but also serves as a lovely décor item outdoors conveying your affection and thoughtfulness. Measuring 10.9 x 10.5 x 5.7 inches in dimensions and weighing 1.95 pounds, this Memorial Garden Stone with Chimes is available on ubuy.co.in for Rs.3,601.
Memorial Keychain
A sympathy gift that will bring comfort and a sense of support to a grieving loved one, this memorial keychain gift has an inscription that says, "Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day." Engraved with a meaningful and important message, it stirs beautiful expressions of compassion, support, healing and love for a bereaved individual or family and comes on a sturdy keychain in a protective plastic case with an angel charm as well. The memorial keychain gift measures 182.9 x 132.1 x 1.3 cm in dimensions and weighs about 1.27kg and is available on amazon.in.
DIY Memorial Gifts
Memory Ornament Keepsake
Holidays and special occasions are especially painful when you’ve lost a loved one. You can comfort a bereaved special someone with a personalised memory ornament that you design yourself not only to show that you care, but also to help them cherish the memory of their loved ones during the holidays with a beautiful keepsake gift. Materials you’d require: a shirt/fabric used by the loved one, a print of a heart template, some straight pins, sewing scissors, pattern material, matching threads, ribbons or cords, poly-fill, embroidery floss, sewing machine.
- Download and print the heart template and then cut it to the required size and then move onto cutting the fabric of the loved one you have according to the heart template by pinning the template to the fabric. In the next step, baste the cord or ribbon to the wrong side of the heart fabric, as this will help keep the cord in place as you sew it all up.
- Now, placing the fabric hearts on the wrong sides together, place the pins around them, leaving a little opening to put in the stuffing. Now, with the sewing machine, stitch straight all around the heart using a matching thread with ½ seam permit and a gap of about 1”.
- Next, stuff the polyfill inside the fabric ornament and either machine or hand stitch the gap. You can also create a decorative border with a blanket stitch all around the heart with a colourful embroidery floss (optional) and finish up by attaching a gift tag on it with a personalised message of love and comfort for your loved one. ul>
Memorial Shadow Box
On a loved one’s passing, we always look for ways to honour them and keep them alive with their memories. Gifting someone who’s bereaved a shadow box is one way of preserving and displaying their loved one’s precious memories. Take your time in thinking of ways you can make it special for the recipient by using pictures, items used by their loved ones, handwritten notes, etc. You can have these memories and pictures printed on a canvas photo paper for a softer touch and feel, and use a Mod Podge solution to stick the print to a cardstock. Next, select items you’d like to place inside the shadow box. For instance, if someone’s lost a parent, you’d look for things that were used by them, (scribbles, wallet, jewellery, name tags, pictures, etc.) and place them well inside a shadow box, along with some relevant poems or quotes that are thoughtful and inspiring to add to your gift.
In terms of using a background, you could use the loved one’s clothes or other items used, their stationery, or perhaps plain coloured paper or craft papers you may have and beautify it. You could also use papers or embellishments that pertain to the loved one’s interests or those that have significant memories attached to them. Plan and execute the arrangement of the items till you’re happy with the result and then wrap it up or put it inside a gift bag and present it ahead.
Memorial Photo Necklace
Keep a loved one’s memory alive with a lovely photo necklace. You’d require a printed picture of your loved one, a cabochon glass and base set, a chain, decoupage glue, a pendant, jewellery pliers, and a pair of scissors. Print and cut the picture according to the pendant shape and size and then stick on the printed image with decoupage glue on the glass cabochon. Next, put the pendant on the chain and polish it for a finished look. Place the memory photo necklace in an organza pouch to make the gift complete.
Condolence Art
Loss of a loved one is very painful and though you cannot repair the loss, what you can do is comfort someone for their loss by gifting them an inspiring and uplifting message that both warms their heart and strengthens their heart. All you need is a beautiful picture frame that you can either buy or use one that you have at home and perhaps beautify it by using washi tape, embellishment, paints, etc. to the extent that it looks elegant yet simple. Print out a poem or a note that is meaningful for the occasion on a craft paper that’s textured or patterned and place it inside the frame. Gift Bag it and present it with a bouquet of white flowers. A sample of memorial note could be: “Those we love can never be more than a thought away, for as long as there’s a memory they live in our hearts to stay.”
Memorial Photo Luminaries
For a memorial photo luminary, you’d require some vellum paper, a clear glass jar or a vase, a tea light or a battery operated T-light, a double sided tape, a pair of scissors and washi tape. Print a picture of a loved one out on the vellum paper after you’ve measures the glass jar and sized the picture accordingly. You can print a couple of pictures for the glass jar, or make a set of glass jar and a picture for each jar. Now, lace a piece of the double sided tape from top to bottom of the glass jar and stick the picture on it, with a tape on each end. And you can layer the picture with some pretty washi tape over the seams. Now place a t-light of your choice into the glass container(s) and gift it with handmade photo luminaries to your loved ones as a memorial keepsake.
Bonus Tips: Helping Someone Through Their Grief
When someone you care about or know is grieving for the loss of their loved one, it can be a tad bit difficult to know what to do or say to them as the mourner struggles with multiple emotions of pain, depression, guilt, anger and sorrow, often isolating them in their own grief. Despite your apprehensions of saying or doing something wrong or making matters worse for them during this difficult time, know that this is also the time when they need your support the most! This support will go a long way in helping them cope with the pain and begin to heal.
An essential part of helping someone through their grief is to be a good listener and to let them know you’re there when they need someone to talk to. Every person grieves differently and for a different length of time. Let them know you can be counted on for any practical support as well. Extend your help after the funeral. Given the social media frenzy these days, don’t be insensitive to their grief and tag them in pictures of the deceased online.
Be aware that there’s a time for everything, for instance, being positive is good, however pick your time well. On tough days like special occasions, don’t try making things lighter when the situation is quite the opposite. Sense the mood and help them through the moment. Keep reaching out to them regularly, be thoughtfully expressive and always remember to listen, for the loss is theirs and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, what matters is how you help them heal through the loss.
Be a Supporting Shoulder
In times like these, it is good to be patient and offer a shoulder to cry on, or be a patient ear to whatever they have to say. It is a difficult time for them and so, your support will go a long way and they will always remember you for being there when they needed you. If giving sympathy gifts is not suitable for you, you could also show up and shower them with care, bring them homemade food and share some of the household work to reduce their burden. Take care of your friends and family for they are your real wealth.